My dog, Mollie, is 12 years old - which makes her 84 in dog years! Yes, she is the best. We got her the day my Mom, Dad, brothers and I pressed our hands into the wet cement outside our new house in 1999. I put my hand over the imprint the other day, and it's about twice as big as that imprint. At that time, Mollie was a little puppy with really sharp teeth and really sharp making-everyone-melt-even-when-she-tore-up-the-yard skills. She was one when I was 12. Now's she's 12, and I'm twice her age. But she's so much wiser. I suppose that might be why she's got 7 times the wisdom - and maybe why they figure dog years by that number. Coming home to her stooped on the porch is a big comfort. This time, for Thanksgiving break, it's almost as if she knew how dreadfully much I had missed her and home, and being able to look at the handprints of my family in the cement anytime I want.
I realized that dogs I've seen elsewhere, (all of which I like to imagine are Mollie's good long lost friends - the kid in me) are quick to become my friends, too. I wouldn't be as joyful without them around. I think their innocence makes me feel like a kid again.
"You've learned all you need to know, Chance. Now all you need to learn is how to say goodbye." - Shadow, Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey
I don't want my blog to become a form of narcissistic
self examination - confirmation of my own self-worth. But, sometimes, that's
what it is...as I write a self examination about writing another
self examination. Sure, call me cynical, critical, worrisome, pessimistic.
(Write something positive, Linds! Be happy.) It's getting harder to write
seriously about happy things. I've gone snarky. So, I thought I'd let a few things speak for themselves. I dug these out of my quote bin just now. Yes, I have a quote collection - pages and pages.
"I don't know what I think about that because I don't know where people's hearts are. It's important to not judge without knowing their hearts. If their heart is to honor the Lord, then it's a good thing. Only God can judge because only God knows what's truly in a person's heart."- Tim Tebow
"I feel that everything that pulled me to the city slowly
pushes me away from it, and everything I grew up with that pushed me away from
the farm is what’s pulling me back. The peace and quiet and the freedom that I
actually never realized meant as much as it did. We didn’t have any neighbors
for miles, woodlands to run around in. We had a lot of things to catapult our
imagination when you didn’t even know what imagination was. Life’s too short
when you find yourself sitting in a car for four hours every day trying to get
from East L.A. to West L.A. to Hollywood and then back to East L.A." - Garrett
Hedlund
"I think at this point most creative things are pretentious
or ambitious so it's just a waste of time to apologize for trying to develop
your skills or eye or whatever. Everyone is so worried about seeming hipster
but I dunno, I think caring about what kind of clothes other people wear or
what kind of music they like is the most hipster. I would much rather be taking
pictures and writing and be way in over my head and none of it even be that
good than not do anything. Otherwise, I would probably be one of those people
who puts all their self-perception in what their tastes say about them since
they don't have anything they themselves make or do because they're afraid they
won't be good at it because they believe you can't be creative just for
yourself and that someone will say they are bad at it. Which just makes you
think about what your tastes say about you all the more, which is that stupid
mentality of people who are annoyed by hipsters. I just wanna like what I like!
Where in this world is there any passion anymore! Any commitment! Once I didn't
leave the couch for 25 hours except to go to Ihop. That took commitment." -Tavi
Gevinson
You might be thinking this post is a cop-out, but when somebody says somethin' - peep's got somethin' to say about what they know, feel, and think. And, sometimes, I get it: the beauty of it all (Oh, look. Something positive).
"A writing space like this in the blogosphere, can be a narrative, not just an internal dialogue. I want to connect with people (I'm also really bad at keeping in touch)." - Self-involved me
Also, here's to living vicariously through professional sports teams.
Sometimes there are paragraphs. And sometimes there are stupid paragraphs. And sometimes there are ridiculous paragraphs. Case in point:
"Interestingly - at least, to me - Frankfurt goes on to show how bullshit differs from lying. And, furthermore, Frankfurt claims that the bullshitter's presence is actually more dangerous to the health of liberal society than that of the liar; for, what distiguishes lying from bullshitting is a certain respect for the truth. Whereas the bullshitter only respects the power of utterances to persuade based upon emotion and, as such, finds no use for any given truth of science, theology, philosophy, or whatever, the liar, in concealing the truth from his conversation partner, actually respects the truth a great deal more than the bullshitter."
"Interestingly enough, bullshit differs from lying? Hm. The truth is, we're all liars and we're all bullshitters. Utterances, as such, that we are not...are bullshit."
I bring this up because I have fallen victim to my own, um, bullshit. I'll start using a more tasteful word. Let's go with hypocrisy, maybe? No. Hold on. I'm going to thesaurus.com for this one...of course, it's not on dictionary/thesaurus.com. Let's try urbandictionary.com Always a dangerous task. No more internet filters, if you know what I'm talking about. So: nonsense, exaggeration, lies.
My confession of nonsense. No...bullshit (no better word), is this. I've been hypocritical of this city and its people, thinking oftentimes I'm much well off coming from the farm, living simply. Not only is this a little assuming, it's also caused some insincerity and judgment on my part, which I've been excusing as culture shock and a loss of patience. I've also made an excuse for not blogging for a couple of weeks: pressure - from this whole idea of writing for you. But that's not really a valid excuse either. Rather, I'm unsure of my actual ability to not bullshit. I'm trying to write better, become edgier, become more informed.
I have also admittedly been angry at friends. Of course, for selfish reasons. Forgiveness is another thing I learned again in church on Sunday. Did I also mention this church, Saint Luke, is where Paul Manz was Cantor Emeritus? Yes, he was. I miss singing his music with the A Cappella choir. I miss it so freaking much. And I miss you.
At this point, I'd like to dedicate this blog post to Momma Auten, because, even though I'm in a funk, she actually made me realize, there is no funk. Just fear and excuses. I am so thankful she was able to come visit for her birthday! Happy 29th Birthday, Mom! Just kidding, she's not 29, but she is a beautiful age, and a wonderful wisdom to behold. Trust me on this.
In other news...even though the Blackhawks have had a rough couple of days.
That was no bullshit, excuse my language. That was LEGIT.
"Then Jesus said to his disciples: 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or bran; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your hear on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'" -Luke 12: 22-34
