It's been a time since I've written, and this is because I haven't felt like writing about the triviality of my life. Seems as though I'm throwing a pity party for myself each day. All about me. I love school, but I focus on MY accomplishments (or lack thereof), MY struggles, the pain of MY unrequited love.
But when I am home, I'm in my element: in God's country, able to watch the sun set each night; able to learn from the raw honesty of my father...the steady and hardy heart of my mother; the innocent (though naive) wanderings of my little brother as he struggles to make a meaning of this thing called high school; the quite confident and strangely effective life advice from my older brother. My family is my element, where love holds no doubt.
And this is why life becomes a tad more terrifying. Soon, I'll be thrust out of my element and onto the streets of independence. I know this is good and normal...normally good for young people, but I never want to lose sight of those sunsets and the authenticity of life on the farm. I am afraid of losing good work ethic and a gratitude for simplicity. I'm applying to graduate schools in big cities (like Chicago), which means I move: toward a lot more people with ideas different than my own; a different kind of stubbornness and work ethic, authenticity; a more complex way of life.
But, alas, I can't be so judgmental and I can't be so unbelieving in the virtues that stand where I have grown up. The strength of family and the strength of the Lord is with you and me always. He will hold steadfast. There is some sort of plan in the works, which will carry over into Chicago or New York or Europe...wherever I may take a gander at adventure. And there the Lord will be. There I will be. Maybe "he" will be there, too, where unrequited love won't float around anymore.
Ah, well, I guess this may have been another pity party speech; another in a progression of others, but, hey, I say, make it about me but the me in relation to others. Family, friends, future walk-ons, fellow humans, citied or not - whatever that means. Maybe I'll find out soon. All the while, my heart belongs to the sunset just behind the hill next to my home...until I meet someone who can smile just as big and bright, so I can do the same right back.
Good Lord of life, here we go.